A truckload of toupés overturned on I-94 today. Some of them are missing. Police are combing the area.

Mommy Mommy, Daddy is talking to the dumbest woman on the beach and is getting dumber by the second.

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"Where's the funny?"

That you asked.

Heh, JJ. I still like that one! :-)

BOL!!!!!!

Sunday morning, the pastor woke up to find the most beautiful, perfect day he's ever seen. He calls the associate pastor to tell him he can't do the service today because he's sick. He goes golfing instead at a course the next town over.

The pastor comes to the last hole, tees up and hits the ball. God and St. Peter are looking down on the pastor.

"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" asks St. Peter.

"Watch this," says God.

The ball goes wild, bounces off a tree and lands on the green and rolls into the hole. It's a 450 yard hole-in-one!

"Why did you do that?" asks St. Peter. "You gave him a great shot!"

God smiled to St. Peter and said, "Yes, but who can he tell?"

Ok I know it's an oldie (before JohnL tells me). But it's still funny. Customer Service at WP.

Employee --"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Customer--"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Employee --"What sort of trouble?"
Customer--" Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Employee --"Went away?"
Customer--" They disappeared."
Employee --"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer--" Nothing."
Employee --"Nothing?"
Customer--" It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
Employee --"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer--" How do I tell?"
Employee --"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"
Customer--" What is a sea prompt?"
Employee--"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Customer--" There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Employee --"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer--" What's a monitor?"
Employee --"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer--" I don't know."
Employee --"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer--" Yes, I think so."
Employee --"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer--" Yes, it is."
Employee --"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer--" No."
Employee --"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer--" Okay, here it is."
Employee --"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer--" I can't reach."
Employee --"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer--" No."
Employee --"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer--" Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."

Employee --"Dark?"
Customer--" Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Employee --"Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer--" I can't."
Employee --"No? Why not?"
Customer--" Because there's a power failure."
Employee --"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer--" Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Employee --"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer--" Really? Is it that bad?"
Employee --"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer--" Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Employee --"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, B I T C H!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.

Love it!

This is hysterical! Will Ferrell and his landlord.

http://www.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be69 25

I want my MONEY!!!

Last night on Channel 4 they had a 2hr documentary on the "Aristocrats" joke. 100 comics 100 versions!

I didn't make it to the end.

LOL

I watched the rest of The Aristocrat joke documentary.

Most of the comedians are American, and hardly known in the UK, but it's quite an education!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/

Scott was struggling through the airport terminal with his obviously heavy suitcase when Bill Gates asked him the time.

Scott didn't recognize him, but pushed a button on his watch. The watch said out loud, "It's five fifty."

"Hey, cool watch!" said Bill.

Scott replied, "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this..." He displayed every time zone in the world, pressed a button and the watch announced, "The time is four fifty-one" in a Texas drawl. Another few pushes and the watch gave the time in Japan -- in Japanese!

Scott explained, "It includes a region-appropriate accent for each time zone."

Gates is impressed.

"That's not all," said Scott as he pushed a few more buttons and a tiny hi-res map of New York City appeared on its display. "The flashing dot shows our location via GPS," he explained. "View: recede ten," Scott ordered and the display changed to show eastern New York state.

"I need this watch!" said Gates.

"Oh, it's not yet ready for sale; I'm still working out some bugs," said its inventor. "Besides, I haven't shown you the FM radio receiver with digital tuner, the sonar device that measures distances underwater, the pager, the fax machine, the digital camera, the MP3 player with 300GB drive, video playback, Bluetooth, WiFi and WiMax..."

"How about $10,000?" said Gates.

"Oh, no. I've already spent more than on..."

"$20,000?"

"But it's not..."

"$50,000 -- in cash!" Bill opened his briefcase, which was filled with hundred dollar bills.

Scott thought, "I've only got about $5,000 into this and with 50K I can make another one that's better. I can be ready for merchandising in a year..."

Scott made his decision, "Okay, it's yours!"

He removed the watch and handed it to Gates, who happily walked away.

"Hey, wait up!" Scott called.

Gates turned around and said, "What?"

Scott pointed to the heavy suitcase he had been wrestling through the terminal. "Don't forget your battery!"

gotta love my boss' sense of humor...

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man.

"You know, I live by the railroad tracks.

Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky *******, was she pretty?"

"Dunno... Never found the head!"

>Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your act.

Famous last words in Wisconsin: "Gimme a beer and watch this."