So couldn't the insurance company sue him for insurance fraud for setting them on fire

That's awesome.

It's like all the old laws that aren't enforced anymore. I heard once that in TN I think there is a law where a man must sit on the hood of a car and shoot into the air to warn others that a woman driver is behind the wheel...don't know how much truth there is to that one, but it's funny.

Edit, I did find this one online (maybe this is what the person who told me above was referring to):

In Tennessee a man must walk in front of any car driven by a woman while waving a red flag as a warning.

On another note:

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.<--I wonder if he's aware of this

Allegedly!

1)In Oxford, Ohio, it is unlawful for a woman to appear in public while unshaven.This includes legs and face.

2)In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newsvideo/?bcpid=4464161001&bctid=1998 0405001

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him,
'My elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.

Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.  It takes ten seconds and costs $10. That's a lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.  He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits. 10 seconds later, the computer
ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and
Epsom salts found on aisle 2.  Avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. H e deposits $10,
pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. "Twins". They aren't yours. Get a lawyer...

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

New Stock Market Terms

SMA -Save My *** [used most frequently by CITI & AIG]
CEO– Chief Embezzlement Office  
CFO -  Corporate Fraud Officer   
BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

I thought I had swine flu so I phoned the doctor...  but all I got was crackling.

May 14 (Bloomberg) -- President Barack Obama, calling current deficit spending “unsustainable,” warned of skyrocketing interest rates for consumers if the U.S. continues to finance government by borrowing from other countries.

Yeah, But Roger, the difference is that God told GWB it was OK. Obama is, ya know... one of them thar terrists! ;-)

Never heard you decrying deficits when Bush doubled it from $5T to $10T.

Who's decrying deficits? I'm just havin a belly laugh.

<insert "that one's got whiskers on" gif here>

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie.

Iechyd da! John
00:29 12/06/2009 BST

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. 

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'      

Margaret looked him over... 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen naked, except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, nothings different! It's hanging down today,it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, '...AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?

'Nope,' she replied.

'...IT'S HANGING DOWN,  BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout .. Run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

And most importantly,

Never trust anyone until you have sniffed their butt.

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my

loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout

line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little

to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a

dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I

probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital

last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened

in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of

my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it

works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and

simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food

is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going

to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically

everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because

the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a

curb to sniff an Irish Setter's *** and a car hit us

both.

Costco won't let me shop there any more......

A Prayer for Dad, on Father's Day.

"Dear God, this year please send clothes  for all those poor ladies   in Daddy's  computer, Amen."