Apparently, Venus & Serena were in the locker room before a doubles match
and Serena says " I think Dad is slipping us steroids with the breakfast
Venus asks why she suspects this.
Serena says " because I am growing tufts of hair where I never had them
Venus asks where ?
Serena says " on my balls ".
Un prete e un rabbino vanno a piedi a un bar…Il rabbino ha detto: “Avete sentito l’uno di noi?”
I'm taking elementary Italian, and that's my first joke. It's not original (I stole it from Family Guy), and it's pretty basic, but it's my first semester.
TRANSLATION: A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi says: "Did you hear the one about us?"
few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.."
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a pie ce of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
If you're not sure what a 710 is Scroll Down!
More than two years later! So, what is a 710?
US President Barack Obama warned that the US economy could head into a “double-dip recession” unless urgent steps were taken to rein in mounting public debt.
Hah - that is a joke. But of course since he's in DC he doesn't realize that we're already in a depression.
So what is a "double-dip recession", and does it come with hot fudge or sprinkles?
I was at Macy's recently and on the corner was a guy dressed in a Ku Klux Klan uniform holding some sort of platter and a sign that said "FREE COOKIES".
I thought what a weirdo and tried ignore him but I couldn't help myself so I walked up and said "What are you doing?".
"I'm giving away free cookies".
Not knowing quite what to say I asked him, "Are they any good?".
"They're good cookies".
"Are you sure they're good?" I asked.
His reply: "They're really good, but I'm prejudiced."
lol I saw the joik below on fmylife.com:
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "*****."(this Lounge shield keyward...well ,this word is"n-i-g-g-e-r") I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
I used to love to watch golf just because of Tiger, now I am not sure I will ever watch him again.
A'yup he sure messed up his life. Many Most of us have also made big mistakes in life. Let's see how he does in the future. I can't judge anyone (unless they are LIBERALS) .
I'll watch him play golf again. He is still one of the greatest of all time.
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.
LOL, now that was funny! Tiger sure has made a huge mess of his life, all the golf accolades really aren't worth much now that you have publicly disgraced yourself, your family, and now probably lost your family all together. I used to love to watch golf just because of Tiger, now I am not sure I will ever watch him again.
I think he's just playing it all wrong... He should just just turn around and say, "Yeah i did... so what? And guys, eat your hearts out ;-> ! Women, if you want any, line up!! If you don't, mind your own business! Any problems are between my wife and me... so eff off."
His being apologetic is just adding fuel to the fire... what's to be sorry about? He's a prime athelete in the prime of his physical prowess... he's bound to be *****... and we don't know his personal scene... i don't want to get graphic here I read an article and anyway. apparently a lot of Scandinavians have a lot of sympathy for him... women there are getting a bit over the top. Don't want to start a war on that issue here but just to say he had over about 50% support from both sexes....
<shrug> Anyway </shrug>
That would cost him probably $100 million. Not to mention the public disrespect for his children's mother (right after she's gotten her HIV results, no doubt) would be, to wildly understate it, crass. He ruined his family, so it really isn't time to strut and celebrate, even if he can't keep his putter in his pants.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"
Here's one for JK3.
It ain't no joke!
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am.
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
(MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his
(made in MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL),
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT
MADE IN KENYA
Europe, Middle East and Africa