the_wine_snob wrote:

 

....as I heard a very similar one, where the golfer asks, "what would you say to a little handjob?" and the attractive bartender says, "hello little handjob... "

Iike that!

Osama's wasted life...

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to  heaven.

There, he was greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you  attack the nation I helped conceive!" yelled Washington, slapping Osama in  the face.

Patrick Henry came up from behind. "You wanted to end America's  liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry shouted and punched Osama in the  nose.

James Madison came next saying, "This is why I allowed the  government to provide for the common defense!" He took a sledge hammer and  whacked Osama's
knees.

Osama received similar beatings from John  Randolph, James Monroe, and 67 other people who had the same love for liberty  and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back  toward the gate where he was to be judged.

As Osama awaited his turn  for judgement, he screamed, "This is not what I was promised!"

One of  the angels replied, "You were told there would be 72 Virginians waiting for  you. Did you hear something else?"

A man named George jumps out of a perfectly good airplane.

He's thrilled with the experience - that is until he pulls the rip cord...  Nothing.

Feeling rather panicked, George gathers his thoughts for a moment recalls being taught about the backup 'chute.

He pulls the backup cord...  Nothing.

Just then he sees a small flash from way down below, and to his great surprise up comes a guy in ragged clothes!  They end up falling together, and with just seconds left George yells over excitedly to the newcomer:

"Hey man, you know anything about parachutes?"

The stranger yells back:

"No, man, you know anything about gas stoves?"

<click here for added effect>

-Noel

Uh, oh! The physics doesn't work!

<Bump>

The seventies were a very sixties decade!

The joke? this forum. A thriving community reduced to spam.

Jay

Kami Bambiraptor wrote:

 

I've been reporting the spam, but this latest tide of relentless (and pointless) spamming has made me go "meh, why should I bother? Adobe don't give a sh!t and why am I wasting my break time at work doing this?"

Agreed.

I too have been reporting it, but, as you said... why bother?

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His  wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she  takes him to a local strip club. 

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"  His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no,"  says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." 

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and  brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable  and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the  Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them." 

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob  and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your  usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse  and storms out of the club. 

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries 
desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. 

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four  letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you  picked up a real b*tch this time."

This one's kinda messed up, but thought it was funny anyways:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.  He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.  The other guy takes out his cell phone and dials 911.  He tells them, "My friend is dead, what can I do?".

The operator tells him, "just take it easy.  I'm here to help.  The first thing you'll want to do is make sure your friend is dead."  The operator waits for a second until she hears a loud sound on the other end of the phone.

The guy responds, "ok, well now what?".

Loved this, but mostly am replying so that I get the new jokes coming in.

Thx.

Funny how threads a week or more old can suddenly disappear around here. Hasn't happened recently, but just in case…

OldBob1957 wrote:

 

Funny how threads a week or more old can suddenly disappear around here. Hasn't happened recently, but just in case…

It would be a shame to lose this thread; it's been with us since

before the forums went to Gehenna!

Customer: Bartender! I'll have an Osama!

Bartender: Never heard of an Osama. What's in it?

Customer: Two shots and a splash of water!