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Hudechrome wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAG39jKi0lI&feature=player_embedded
Yup... seen it... hilarious
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FWIW... and authenticity subject to verification... but still
Subject: New Vocabulary
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Jose, Jose, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying breath.
'Jose... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Jose... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees...
Ees...
Eees a Ham Bush!
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Dave,
As one who finds himself trapped in airplanes, at tables at events, and even in their offices, while my wife tries to teach them some useful things on healthcare, I feel the little girl's pain - and deeply! With but a very few exceptions, none of them knows sh*t, and about much of anything. They only have their party's talking points (and those of their favorite lobbyists'), and are not good at listening to the people in the "trenches," who are the real experts. Each will quickly buy into some theory from an academician, who has never delivered even rudimentary healthcare, but has written a few papers of pure speculation, but not to one who’s actually running a half-dozen world-class hospitals, and being recognized at the highest level.
The same holds true for the other subjects too.
Gotta’ love them politicians.
I hope that the little girl was able to get back to her book.
Thanks for sharing that, though it's not really a joke, except on the American people. There, it's a bad, bad joke.
Hunt
PS - the above observation carries over party lines!
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