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function(){return A.apply(null,[this].concat($A(arguments)))}
Hudechrome wrote:
Seems accurate enough. Rather unfortunate, however.
I would have left it, since it is simply reporting on what is already posted elsewhere. Maybe a bit over the top for the joke thread....
Back to jokes:
Thank you, Larry.
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Gary: Hey Fred,it's been a while. How are your poetry studies coming along?
Fred: Great! Since starting them,I've doubled my audience!
Gary: Oh,I didn't know you got married! Mazel Tov!
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In today's news the Secret Service foiled yet another attempt to climb over the White House fence.
They immediately escorted Obama back,and told him he couldn't leave until he finished his term.
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dave milbut wrote:
nobody reads post 2112
My bad, Dave. You can swipe the first part of post 2115 somewhere down the joke thread. I don't think anyone will notice.
Btw,the forum upgrade seems to have reset notification prefs,I've been getting email on this thread.
So under Your Stuff > Preferences,click on the Email Notifications tab,and see if your settings are where you want them.
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Well,here's a story about a driver stopped by a Highway Patrol Officer who must have been related to Barney Fife.
HPO: Okay sir,let's see your license.
Driver: Here you are.
HPO Stares intently at the license,then at the driver: You are wearing glasses in this photo,why don't you have them on?
Driver: I have contacts.
HPO: Listen Mister! I don't care who you know!!
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Good one.
One evening, while car-pooling home from the office, our driver was stopped.
Same initial dialog transpired, and Dave handed the officer his license. Now, Dave was about 6-8 and 300 lbs. He looked like a very large Alex Karras (NFL football player from that era), but he had a full head of black hair, and a very full black beard - just a "bear" of a man. The license was upside down, when handed to the officer. He looked at it for a long while, and then finally back at Dave. His eyes went back to the license, and he finally said, "Are you trying to be funny? I can run you in for that. This is not a picture of you!" Dave retrieved the license, and turned it around, handing it back to the officer, who replied, "Oh, OK. I see now. Well, slow down a bit, and have a nice day."
At least he did not ask Dave to get out of the car, and stand on his head, so that he could be properly identified...
Hunt
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Bill Hunt wrote:
Good one.
Ditto. Some times the best ones are true.
At least he did not ask Dave to get out of the car, and stand on his head, so that he could be properly identified...
Hunt
At this point I'd guess the officer was too embarassed to be issuing any citation or speeding ticket with his name on it.
Last one in this series for me: One co-worker had a nephew in the Texas Highway Patrol,and a driver he stopped claimed to be a friend with someone in his division (he did not know it was the same officer he was talking to) The officer writes up the ticket and sneers,"I hate him."
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A Police STOP at 2 AM
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the adverse effects it has on the human body, as well as the effects of smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really ... and who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife".
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Christmas Lights
Hi Sweetheart,
I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.
I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.
I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.
All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.
Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!
I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off to go hunting.
Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.
I'll be home later.
Love you……
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