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BLUDVLZ's Revised Rules of Graphic Design

Sep 16, 2003 4:06 PM

It's been a year or so since I last posted these, and since the old post has gone to the great forum resting place in the cybersky, I decided to repost. This time with some choice addtions.

REVISED RULES OF GRAPHIC DESIGN

1. Before you can break the rules of graphic design, you must first know the rules of graphic design.
2. Microsoft Word is not a graphic design program.
3. The greatest obstacle to an effective campaign is usually the client.
4. Always build in a little extra safety time when determining project deadlines; just in case something goes wrong or breaks.
5. Before a designer can do his job he needs all the pertinent information up front; reverse engineering a project never produces a good result.
6. Any advertisement will be successful as long as you give away a free tool set.
7. Never use script or calligraphic fonts in ALL CAPS.
8. Microsoft Excel is not a graphic design program.
9. There is no point-and-click solution to good graphic design.
10. Photoshop is not a verb.
11. The death penalty should be enacted for those designers who use the following fonts:
Comic Sans
Zapf Chancery
Ad Lib
Exotic
Brush Script
Monotype Corsiva.
12. Never mess with a client who tosses his own dick salad.
13. Adobe does not yet include a talent filter in any of its programs that will miraculously make a bad design, good.
14. Microsoft PowerPoint is not a graphic design program.
15. Images pulled off of the Internet DO NOT work in print.
16. The client isnt always right, and when hes wrong its always going to be the designers fault.
17. Clipart is evil.
18. Clipart is your best friend.
19. The best computer for the job is the one that is working when you really need it.
20. Camera-ready art that is built to the exact specifications is good; camera-ready artwork that is scanned off an inkjet printout and faxed to you is bad.
21. Microsoft Publisher is the most dangerous piece of software in existence.
22. When you find a good print house, keep it.
23. Develop good relationships with other designers who work in other specialty areas; it always comes in handy in a pinch when looking for artwork or logos.
24. Never be satisfied with your current level of expertise; always look for ways to improve your talents and understanding of design.
25. Dont just know how to use one program, know as many as possible.
26. Learn good time management skills.
27. Educate the client whenever possible.
28. Dont get too defensive about creative feedback. Be able to offer solid reasons for your design decisions and be prepared to offer alternative suggestions as a compromise.
29. There is always a way to make a good layout, better.
30. A starburst is a method for poor designers to draw attention to the copy points that should have been addressed through better layout.
31. Never blindly trust a file sent to you by another designer unless you truly trust the designer.
32. The designer that doesnt keep up with current technology wont be a designer for long.
33. Always pay attention to changing design trends.
34. You will find yourself identifying typefaces on billboards as you drive down the interstate (Note: This will drive your family and friends nuts).
35. No one but designers and artists will ever truly understand the creative process.
36. Just because you have a computer and a program does not automatically mean that you are a graphic designer.
37. Only production artists and bosses seem to have 9-5 workdays.
38. No matter how many hours you work, make sure you set aside enough time to let your creative mind recharge.
39. A solid marketing plan can help poor creative. Good creative will never help a poor marketing plan.
40. Never underestimate the importance of being able ********.
41. A good designer needs to know how to fix his own computer.
42. A good designer can be effective w
 
Replies
  • Currently Being Moderated
    Sep 16, 2003 4:10 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Finish 42.

    If only for the Birkenstock set...

    EDIT> I swear #42 had something to do with shoes when I initially responded.

    Or maybe it has something to do with Happy H...
     
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    Sep 16, 2003 4:10 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >10. Photoshop is not a verb.

    That's the best one.

    Neither is Hoover or Xerox
     
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    Sep 16, 2003 5:12 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >55. Changing the keyboard layout on your fellow designers computer is a great way to break up the monotony of a stressful workday.

    Or getting both of your legs broken.

    Love them Blu, might even print it out.
     
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    Sep 16, 2003 5:52 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Words to live by for sure BLU. Thanks yet again for your incredible insight. :)
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 5:58 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    I'm going to have to print this out, too. Thanks, BLU!
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 6:05 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    I already have, have even handed it to a few print agencys who have been in to see me, its making us all smile, and go, yeah right.
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 6:37 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Making it a poster to hang on the front of my desk! ;-)
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 6:57 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    > 11. The death penalty should be enacted for those designers who use the following fonts<br /><br />> * Monotype Corsiva. <br /><br />Okay, that does it. Off with 'em pal.<br /><br />I like it, it's simple and it works. <shrug><br /><br />Let's not forget the rule that sometimes, less is more.
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 6:59 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Well, I like Comic Sans and Brush Script for when I want, ya know, that "cheesey" look! ;-)
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 7:18 AM   in reply to (John_Levine_IOPHFI_INH)
    I just broke a design rule, not a BLUDVLZ rule, but an informal lounge
    rule, I just designed a cover with a large swoosh, Cheesy but I think
    the client will really like it, it mimics their logo, which they insist
    on featuring very Large on all of their covers. At least it didn't have
    a binary fade.
    Jay
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 8:24 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >46. The bigger the size of the project, the less it should say

    This is why I really am not proud of my latest effort for our trade show banners--way too many words. The boss loves it though, and it was done with such a short lead time that I couldn't come up with anything better that I could sell to him. (sigh...)
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 8:52 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    A swoosh, huh?

    You know what?  An awful lot of clients are darned impressed with swooshes.  Throw in an elipse, a binary fade, what the hell, a globe and they're all "oohs" and "aws."  Fortunately, I demand more of myself and will NOT sink to any of these levels unless it's an absolute emergency and the client seems easily amused and pleased.  And still I'll fight myself to the grave about it.

    I feel ya though, Jay.  I work for a company who's logo incorporates not only two giant unproportionate swooshes, but also a globe, a couple lens flares, tons of gradients, and at least about 7 colors.  Weeeee.  Designing things that match all that has been difficult indeed. 

    ~Em
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 12:14 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Well, I like Comic Sans and Brush Script for when I want, ya know, that "cheesey" look!

    Dude, I NEVER use those fonts. Nor do I use Jokerman, Bees Knees or any of those other restaurant menu fonts. Don't start with me.
     
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  • Currently Being Moderated
    Sep 17, 2003 12:51 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Whew! At least you didn't find fault with the beloved Mini Pics font family.
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 12:57 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Impact is joining the ranks of the Few, The Proud, the Overused.
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 1:00 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    and the plug-ugly.
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 9:58 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    I'm having problems deciphering a colloquialism that is lost on a naive NZ native:

    12. Never mess with a client who tosses his own dick salad.

    Does that mean he's a w@nker?
     
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    Sep 17, 2003 10:08 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Say - no - more!
     
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    Sep 18, 2003 11:56 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Does that mean he's a w@nker?

    To have your salad tossed means to make someone eat jelly off of a horrible part of one's body.

    Wish I could do the entire Chris Rock quote, but that's just asking for trouble.
     
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    Sep 18, 2003 12:01 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Well, I like Comic Sans and Brush Script for when I want, ya know, that "cheesey" look!

    >Dude, I NEVER use those fonts. Nor do I use Jokerman, Bees Knees or any of those other restaurant menu fonts. Don't start with me.

    Sorry, Cheese, no reference to you was intended! I guess I should have said "Tacky" ;-)
     
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    Sep 18, 2003 12:19 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Sorry, Cheese, no reference to you was intended! I guess I should have said "Tacky"

    Just funnin' with you. Just like when, in real life, I correct people who say "I was robbed!" or "He robbed a store."

    When you have the name Robb (extra b added to differenciate from the crime) you get touchy about things like that. Then again, I always wanted to get t-shirts made for my girlfriends that say "I was robbed".
     
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    Sep 19, 2003 10:14 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    I would like to add to
    27. Educate the client whenever possible.
    But learn to differentiate between apparent attentive listener (in one ear, out the other) and comprehensive listener (someone who asks question and retains the information).

    I worked with an engineer for 10 years and always tried to educate him, but it never seemed to take. Why I never gave up is bewildering, just stubborn I guess.

    Steve
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 7:15 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Alright then Cheese, so this client eats jelly from nasty parts of his body. WTF does this have to do with the price of fish. Why can't I mess with him? What I'm really asking for is the true meaning behind this statement. Can you please explain your seppo speak to the sheep lovers?
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 7:32 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Matt,

    This is too funny (at least for me)--I just printed out this thread to add to my other BLU logo file of important wisdom---and I was relating to Katie's post about "deciphering the colloquialism" that was also lost on a "naive California girl"---I wasn't even sure what Katie meant by "w@anker". So as I'm deciding that since it doesn't refer to a photoshop technique, that I just shouldn't worry "my pretty little head about it" (heh heh)--you post your message.

    I don't really vision Blu being tied up with jelly and body parts, so, I look forward to the translation as well. Thanks for asking first Katie---

    Patty
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 8:23 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Robb (extra b added to differenciate from the crime)

    Lisa reading Homers BBQ invitation: "Come to Homer's BBBQ, the extra 'B' is for BYOBB"
    Bart: What's that extra B for?
    Homer: That's a typo.
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 8:27 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    There's a reference here that contains a quote from a Chris Rock book around this salad tossing stuff - see the bottom of the page (not for the faint hearted) ...

    I guess the rule is trying to say "don't mess with a self important, pretentious twit, as they know they are always right".
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 9:10 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Thanks Klaas,

    b " guess the rule is trying to say "don't mess with a self important, pretentious twit, as they know they are always right".

    Your translation makes sense to me---I have enough trouble learning all the photoshop stuff without confusing the issues with "dick salad tossers!"

    Whew,

    Patty
     
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    Sep 21, 2003 10:18 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    No worries ...

    >enough trouble learning all the photoshop stuff

    As a bad amateur photographer, with delusions of adequacy, I only have to learn a small part of Photoshop, and even that leaves me flabbergasted at times :P
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 6:03 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >delusions of adequacy

    Love it! Identify with it.
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 10:17 AM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >Alright then Cheese, so this client eats jelly from nasty parts of his body. WTF does this have to do with the price of fish

    I didn't write it, I'm just defining it.
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 12:18 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    >I didn't write it, I'm just defining it.

    Just like the Supreme Court!
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 12:32 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Thanks Klass, now I won't have to lay awake at night wondering if my client is one of those salad tossers I've been told about. From now on I'll just come straight out and ask "is that jelly running down yer leg there hombre?"
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 12:41 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    I guess Patty Clarke won't be printing a new copy of this thread.

    Where'd the potty mouth filter go?
     
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    Sep 22, 2003 2:20 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    b "From now on I'll just come straight out and ask "is that jelly running down yer leg there hombre?"

    Hilarious Matthew!

    You're right on R--no need for a reprint--but the enlightenment process was very educational!

    Patty :)
     
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    Oct 10, 2003 5:17 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Vesper-bumpeded
     
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    Jan 28, 2005 10:28 PM   in reply to (BLUDVLZ)
    Safety float.
     
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