-Poet Rudyard Kipling
It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you've got the stock market beat.
But the man worthwhile,
Is the man who can smile,
When his shorts aren't too tight in the seat.
Judge Smails - Caddyshack
This one has to have already shown up, but nevertheless, here is it [again?]:
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out. He called for help...
A SUBJECTIVE person came along and said: "I feel for you, down there."
An OBJECTIVE person came along and said: "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST came along: "You only think that you are in a pit."
A PHARISEE said: "Only bad people fall into a pit."
A MATHEMATICIAN calculated how he fell into a pit.
A NEWS-REPORTER wanted the exclusive story on his pit
A YOGI said: "Your pit is only a state of mind.:
A REALIST said: "Now THAT'S a pit."
A SCEINTIST calculated the pressure necessary (kg/sq. m) to get him out of the pit
A GEOLOGIST told him to appreciate the rock strata in the pit
An EVOLUTIONIST said: "You are a rejected mutant destined to be removed from the evolutionary cycle." In other words, he is going to die in the pit, so that he cannot produce any 'pit-falling off spring.'"
The PROPERTY-TAX DEPARTMENT asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
The PUBLIC WORKS DEPARTMENT asked if he had a permit to dig a pit.
A PROFESSOR gave him a lecture on: "The elementary principles of the pit."
An EVASIVE person came along and avouded the subject of his pit altogether.
A SELF-PITYING person said: "You haven't seen anything until you've seen MY pit!"
An Optimist said: "Things could have been worse."
A PESSIMIST said: "Things will get worse!!"
A FUNDAMENTALIST said: "You deserve your pit."
A CHARISMATIC said: "just confess you're not in the pit."
AN EVANGELICAL said: "You should be saved from the pit."
JESUS, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit"
Adapted from Kenneth D. Filkins The Wittenburgh Door
I just thought some of these needed to have happy endings.
What does English sound like? You name it - it can sound like it - including the ways you mentioned...and a whole lot more.
Mellifluous....sweet.......musical...screeching...discordant....liltin g......gentle.....harsh.....soft....guttural....catarrhal.....ethereal ....hellish....poetic....lyrical.....Glaswegian.....
It depends who is speaking, how they are speaking and where they are from .....generally speaking.
(I took this comment from an on-line discussion (from 2005) on what English sounds like to non-speakers. I have heard over the years a number of people (speakers of 'romance' languages, often) say that English is not a beautiful language, that it is too harsh, and so on. My own opinion has been that it is like a great pipe organ, so to speak - it can be thunderous and mighty, or soft and ethereal - it all depends on who is speaking. and what words they chose. I was pleased to find someone who feels kind of the same way.)
I do get the point,Hudechrome...but it sort of dampens the actual quote.
He had an good sense of humor when someone tried to correct his grammar usage,
This is the sort of pedantry up with which I will not put."
But this has to be the prize quote:
One day shortly after the Second World War ended, Winston Churchill and Labour Party Prime Minister Clement Attlee encountered one another at the urinal trough in the House of Common’s men’s washroom. Attlee arrived first. When Churchill arrived, he stood as far away from him as possible. Attlee said, “Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?” Churchill said: “That’s right. Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it.”
Churchill, in his biography of the his years from birth to 1902 - "My Early Life" - attributed his tremendous command over the English language to his abysmal scholastic career. To paraphrase him, he said that while other students went on to learn such esoteric languages as Latin and Greek, he spent years in the lowest forms having the correct construction of the basic English language sentence drummed into him.
Easy to do, old friend!
Ah, and I tend to move a bit too far OT.
Hmmm, maybe rename this thread "True Confessions"?
And since we are OT, just a note that I picked up a used Dell 17" LCD monitor which I pressed into service as a second monitor. What atrip!
Daym, shudda done this years ago!
(Sung to the tune of the Mr. Ed TV theme song)
A host is a host from coast to coast
And no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.
-- David Lesher
"They was siven Dimmycrats in Hinsdale County, but you, yah voracious, man-eatin' son of a ______, yah eat five of thim and I therefore order you hung by the neck till you are dead."
Judge M. B. Gerry, April 13, 1883, Lake City, Colorado. [Alleged - at sentencing of Alerd Packer]
Note: The cafeteria at the University of Colorado, Boulder, CO is the "Alferd Packer Room.
Also Note: There are several spellings of the Packer's first name. As birth records do not seem to exist, one can assume that each might have been used at some time.
Europe, Middle East and Africa