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You should look at Flash Media Server for your requirement.
Thanks, but Im looking for a solution where I can communicate with my own code on a server, that does not require the purchase of a (very) expensive server solution, its not a project that could possibly justify the cost at present...
How have you achieved one to one communication between clients?
As per my understanding, there is no way to interact with other clients directly. You need to use server. And with servers you can use either pull or push methods. What you are looking for is push method. You may check Red5 or similar open source servers.
Sort of, via stratus, using the videophone application, it can send messages to the other client it is connected to..