You're going to laugh, and I'll admit that I'm completely out of my mind. But the way I set up my monitor is that I matched the monitor to what my printer is producing, a simple eyeball adjustment. Then, I always export sRGB JPEG copies to post on the web. Now, I will admit/stress that I'm not a professional photographer. Never have been, never will be. But I help a few friends out occasionally, and they have never complained about my work. In fact, in the last couple of weeks I have received two "wow" responses. I'm not recommending that anyone do it this way. But I'm satisfied.
The bright, high-contrast, blueish look that most monitors & laptops have by default is designed to make them stand out from the others at Best Buy. Unfortunately you'll have to decide: do you want your pictures to look correct on a properly-calibrated monitor? or on the monitors that most people actually use?
I calibrate my main monitor - but leave my second monitor set closer to "crappy default Best Buy mode". Before publishing images to the web, I make a copy, view them on both monitors, and try to adjust to a happy medium that looks "ok" on either.
Also, you didn't mention it, but I assume you know to always publish photos on the web in sRGB color space. Even if your clients have a well-calibrated monitor, they may not be using a color-managed browser or other app to view pictures. Any color profile other than sRGB will cause trouble.
As Keith_Reeder said already, there's not much you can do about other peoples monitors. Usually monitors are way too bright at factory settings - probably to balance the light in brightly lit offices. And colors of an uncalibrated monitor are always off.
But images in sRGB color space usually look OK on most monitors - even if they are a too bright. You can alleviate the problem of un-calibrated monitors by not "maxing out" the contrast and color saturation of your uploaded photos.
Also, since you shoot weddings and know your clients, you can educate them about monitor settings, so that they know what they see is NOT what they get.
I have a Spyder3, but I never needed to use it on the Cinema displays.
Yes, you do! Displays are unstable devices. The RGB values you see today should look the same in a year. Working solely in sRGB is not the answer. You simply must calibrate and profile your display (to ideally match your output next to the display) and you have to do this on a regular basis. If you want what you see and someone else to match, they too have to calibrate to the same targets.
If that is too elementary, then read this:
LR and Photoshop are ICC (color management aware) applications, they expect a calibrated and profiled display.
The iPad isn’t a color managed device, don’t attempt to compare it to anything else.
I have an extra monitor plugged in alongside my workhorse (older LG) its never been calibrated.
My main monitor is a controversial Samsung 46 3dtv un8000..
Why? you ask, if my image makes it to TV it will be ready to view and calibrated for the target.
You May want to ask friends and family to comment on your image rederings in private as well.
My brain knows the rough tolerance of calibrations and I am the device compensating.
It sounds like you problem is brightness adjust or contrast.