I was able to upload my Illustrator extension, set it to private and share it. Brialliant functionality. Now I have released a point update, and although it shows the correct version in the extension details on the Adobe Exchange website, the version number will not update in the panel itself, although my description modifications update just fine. The extension as shown in the "Not Published" list of the sight has the old version number. When I click on it to get to the main extension page, it shows the correct version number in title and in also correct in the details on the right. It does say "(Preview)" after the name. I don't intend to ever sell it, but want to keep sharing it privately. How do I get it to recognize version updates?
It sounds to me like the reason your new patch (with the updated product version) is not showing in the panel is that it has not been "published". If it's showing up in the "Not Published" screen, this means that it's only available for you personally to make changes to in the producer portal - once you're finished making your changes (uploading a new ZXP etc.) you need to click Submit (with Auto-Publish) to make the new version go live to the people it's shared with (and show up in the panel). As long as the product is set to Private, clicking Submit (with Auto-Publish) will not make the product available publicly - it will continue to be private, visible only to the groups you specify.