XMP files are not part of what is stored in the catalog. Are you sure you had XMP files? Have you checked the option to write changes to XMP files? The only way you have a backup of your XMP files is if you performed that backup your self with other software.
So where are my lightroom edits? Thats what I'm missing and can't seem to find. Where does lightroom store the edits between backups, is there a way to find them?
Lightroom stores all edits in the catalog. And unless you have manually executed the command to write XMP files or have chosen the option to write changes to XMP files (done in the preferences) then the catalog is your only source for the changes. Incidentally, that is how I use Lightroom. If you delete files from the Lightroom catalog, and haven't intentionally had XMP files written, then all the changes are gone, and you will have to start over.
XMP files in the case of RAW originals are not created by default in Lightroom. If you truly deleted the photos from Lightroom, and there are no XMP files (because they were not created), then I believe your edits are gone.
When you say "it seems to have deleted all the files in my Lightroom catalog", are you sure you didn't accidentally open the wrong catalog (look under File->Open Recent). Another possibility is that the photos are still in the catalog, but not in the folder you expect them to be in, so click on All Photographs, turn off any filters and then search for one of these photos by file name.
3 possible places for edits:
1 catalog (if not removed)
2 xmp (if saved)
3 exported jpegs (if exported with all metadata).
or in a backup of those, or recycle bin..
if in any of these places, they can be retrieved (the 3rd option requires a plugin), if not, then you gotta re-edit..