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There's no automatic way. If you are set on having un-numbered pages that are not included in the page count, you could, for each page set inserted
1) Select the first page after where the pages will be added
2) In the pages pallet menu, use Number and Section Options, and set the start with page number to what it already is. This way, adding the pages will not affect the numbering.
3) to avoid page-number conflicts with the new pages, set their numbering to something other than 1,2,3. (like i, ii, iii, for example)
For future reference, if you'd set up your index with InDesign's indexing tools, this would be a non-issue, as you would have been able to add the pages, and then re-generate a correct index automatically.
The other approach is to bite the bullet, re-number the pages, and fix the index -- assuming the index was constructed by hand. This sort of problem arises more often then one might think, and there is an old thread Change Page Numbers in Indexes in the ID Scripting forum with a script that can ease the pain. The script gets modified in the course of the thread, so if you want to take this route you need to read carefully.
that did it... thanks so much SR. And David, if I ever work on another book, I will indeed do an index the proper way.
This whole project has been an incredible learning experience—it's a bit unfortunate, perhaps, that much of what I've learned has come a bit late in the game for me, but better late than never. And I can't say how appreciative I am of all the great advice people on this forum have so generously offered.