I really don't wish to upload anything to the "cloud"; not photos, not documents not a half eaten BLT. Is it possible to purchase Adobe Lightroom as a stand-alone product without the cloud membership? If so, how? I searched and was unable to find a stand-alone option.
Yes, you can purchase standalone Lightroom 6 available here: Software & Services
And by purchasing the Creative Cloud subscription, your photos, documents or anything do not get uploaded to cloud by default.
You would have that complete access if you want to store anything online or not.
Lightroom would still be installed locally on your machine and everything including Lightroom Catalog, photos and everything would remain on your machine and not on cloud.
Here is the difference that you might want to see: Compare Lightroom CC vs. versions 5 & 6 | Adobe Photoshop Lightroom CC history