As products support manager Kevin Monahan always tells people here, as soon as you get a live person via phone or chat, ask for the video Que. At least then you get someone with some knowledge.
Their generalists tend to suck. And for some reason never mention the video group.
That said what's the problem?
I just escalated your case. I will make sure you get the help you need. PM me if you don't get any answers in the next 24 hours.
First things first...the video is hilarious, but sorry you felt you could relate to it.
Most of the time issue like you describe are the result of slow drive speeds or limited throughput. Please download the AJA system test and test your storage speed. If there's an issue reading from your storage, the AJA utility will help identify it. You should be able to find the utility with a quick web search.