if you're using as3, you would use the urlloader class to send and receive data to your aspx files and the aspx files would query the database.
I have actually managed to make the 2 programs communicate by this method but it seemed very inelegant when I will have 30 or 40 pieces of information to transmit to and from the database.
I was assuming that there must be another method as I believe there is some kind of intermediary program which helps the communication between Flash and PHP
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it doesn't matter how much (within certain limits which you're not approaching) you have to transmit and/or receive. and, there's nothing inherently inelegant about the flash or php.
you may be doing something that is esthetically displeasing but i don't believe that's inherent in flash or php.
there is amfphp that many people use with flash (and find very worthwhile) but, i've never found it to be worth the trouble.