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to minimize latency for 1:1 communications, be sure to set the subscriber's NetStream.bufferTime to 0. if you're using P2P multicast (in an RTMFP Group), then a latency of several seconds is expected. NetGroup.post() is also expected to have a delay, although it should be less than a second in most cases for small groups.
also note that comparing timestamps only works if your clocks are perfectly synchronized. that will only reliably be the case when your two ends are on the same computer (like, two windows in one OS).
The commenter was completely correct, I did some tests and ended up networking two "pong" paddles together to see if it really was lag and not just clock differences.
My "lag" ended up being differences between my clock and the other person's clock.
I also took his advice at setting the bufferTime _ thanks a bunch!